Cheese and Whine

I noticed that it's been a while since I complained about anything on my blog, so here we go.

ISAAC'S PET PEEVE #301:
When I'm at a church dinner, or some sort of christian gathering where food is involved, and invariably someone walks up to the dessert table, declares conspiratorially "I really shouldn't have this..." and then goes ahead and eats it anyway.
If you REALLY shouldn't have it, DON'T!
Isn't that a form of gluttony? At the least it's showing a lack of discipline...
Restrain thyself.
Or at least, don't tell me about it...

(Excuse my loud typing.)

Of Goats and Fedoras

"Are you guys in the play?"
Hm? What?
We (My sister and I) were standing in the corner gas station/Subway shop in downtown Middleburgh, waiting on our sandwich order, when one of the guys in the store approaches me.
"The play, are you guys in it?" he persists. My initial confusion wearing off, I chuckle to myself as I realize why he asked. See, the local-yokel playhouse was putting on a production of Chicago this week, which is a big deal in our little village. So, when you see someone in the street wearing a black and gray striped shirt and a black corduroy fedora, they must be in the play.
"No," I told him, laughingly, "This is just me."

Our town is not exactly urbanized, but that's one reason I like it. You can walk down Mainstreet under the shade of the sycamore trees...ask how so-and-so's Grandma is fairing...enjoy the smell of petunias in over flowing baskets hanging from all the telephone poles...stop in at the old hardware store and buy just one screw if you want, and some mighty fine coffee, too...
Oh, and get serenaded by a goat in a pickup truck, too.
We were leaving the Subway, subs in hand and getting ready to cross the street, when we heard a short bleat.
"MAA!"
Looking up, we espied a pickup truck with a bale of hay and two goats on the back.
For those of you who don't know, goats are hilarious both to watch and to listen to. Their cry sounds something in my mind like an young adolescent boy riding a roller-coaster for the first time.
"MAAOUGH!" he voiced, startling the lady jogging on the sidewalk out of her iTunes induced apathy. She continues on, a bemused smile on her face and as she draws abreast of us remarks:
"That's a goat in a pickup truck!"

Yes ma'am, yes it was.

Farewell to Beard

Well, my friend...

We had a good run...
You weren't that big, but you were mine. My chin looks empty without you there...

It isn't you, it's me. Actually, it isn't even me, really. It's the institution, man...the school institution, that is.

Who will serve as referee between my top lip and nose, now that you're not there to separate them?

Who will protect me from someone scribbling a Hitler mustache and soul-patch on pictures of me?

I'm sorry it had to come to this, but you always knew this day would come.






Maybe I'll see you next
summer...

A Trip of Many Epic Proportions

Well, I was bored. That's what I'll say when they ask what started it all.
Just plain bored.
(Which, if you know anything about boredom, is the most bored anyone could possibly be, as "plain bored" means there wasn't anything even remotely interesting about ones boredom.)
So, to recap; Me, bored, with the time machine.
What? You mean I forgot to mention the time machine? Why, how could I have forgotten that? This whole story hinges on nothing less BUT the time machine!
Sorry. Actually, it was because I was bored that I built the time machine in the first place, come to think of it...I'd post the plans but apparently that violates the space/time clause in my blogspot contract. However, I can give you a rough idea of what it looks like, I suppose. It's metallic, sits about 4 ft. high, is vaguely armchair shaped, and smells faintly of turkey when it heats up. By the way, remind me to pick up some oven mitts from the store, as it can get quite hot and I'll need something to protect my hands...
To be continued...

Creatures Awake!

We emerge from under our wintered rocks to blink at the unaccustomed light, feeling it's partner, warmth, break on our waxen skin and dulled hair. The temperature is high with a chance of possibility:
Life.
The long pause is over...

Three cheers for Spring!
My, it feels good to go outside without a coat...

Uno Momento

Before you criticize someone you should first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile away, and plus, you'll have their shoes...

Tee-hee.

Good night.

They're all clones!

This is in honor of doppelganger week. (or as I sometimes say, 'Doppler'ganger. Which sounds like something you'd call a meteorological gang member.)

In 1996, scientists first successfully cloned a sheep, and playfully named her Dolly. (Yes, after Dolly Parton. Ask me why sometime, or better yet look it up for yourself.)
So they say. Of course, it's not like you can tell the average sheep apart from each other anyway, so how could you know? "Oh, look, they're identical! We did it!"
My neighbor has a flock that he lets out occasionally, and believe me they're

hard to tell apart.

"Ah-ha! Look, that one's got a spot on his leg right there, see? Right ther- oh, nevermind, he just stepped in some mud and it splashed a bit, sorry..."
My opinion? Scientists should have picked a species a bit more distinguishable if they really wanted to impress people.
Interesting fact; All navel oranges are actually clones, with the exact genetic makeup of the original tree planted in a monastery in Brazil in 1820. Because they are seedless, and therefore sterile, the only way to produce more is by cutting and grafting.
I worry that if I ever cloned myself, my clone would scheme to usurp me and force me to perform menial labor for the rest of my sorry existence. And of course we would debate over who was the evil one-
"I was the evil one last week, it's your turn now!"
"No it isn't. And besides, you've already got the beard."
No arguing with that. Everyone knows the evil twin's the one with the beard.
Just once I'd like a character to be introduced WITH a beard, so that later when we meet his doppleganger he's clean shaven.

Once again, this post brought to you with the advantage of not having a clue what I'm talking about, which I've found greatly improves the readability of my posts.
So long! And don't clone around.